Patience and Trust Work Together

My mind never has been able to quite grasp the concept of, "wait and see." I have never been much of a patient person. I need to see instant results and I need the answer to a question 5 seconds ago. I never was good at working out because after 3 visits I didn't see any results. I love a nice tan but I can't force myself to lay there for 15 minutes and I especially can't keep going back after the 5th time with still looking white. So I give up. If I try to do something and I don't have it mastered in 5 minutes I quit. If I don't know something then I probably just won't ever know it if it involves me taking time to learn it. I want to already know it! Does this paint a pretty good picture of my patience level? I hear the journey to the destination is where life is lived, but I hate the journey. I just want to sleep through it and wake up on the other side. This has always been my personality and I am finally being faced with the decision to change this rather large character flaw.

Yep. So God is teaching me patience. It's so not fun. Good one God. I thought I had all my little ducks in a row and all my eggs in my one little basket. Sometime when I wasn't looking my eggs were emptied and my ducks scattered! I now realize I know nothing. Hahah! You know when people say that life never goes as you planned it? Yeah, I totally thought I was exempt from that statement. I went from thinking I knew exactly how things were going to play out in my life to now questioning every little thing. This is where you have to remember that God is in control. As soon as you start getting a little freaked and want to start taking matters into your own hands your life's equilibrium gets knocked off. Give it back on over to the Lord and save yourself some time. :)

So patience and trust are holding hands right now. I'm trying to learn to do both. I want do this for myself. I want to trust God enough, to be patient. Does that make sense? It's just become very evident to me how patience and trust really do work together. You can't be patient if you don't trust. Anyway, repetitious. But it's true if you really think about it.

Life is all about the journey and finding where God wants you. Putting the right people in your path for reason's we sometimes don't know. Placing us in jobs that we can't seem to understand what God has in mind there. Choosing career paths that you can't seem to figure out how that comes into play with your gifts. But God really does know what's going on down here and on a personal level with you. He knows every little detail. He knows what makes us happy and what makes us sad. Sometimes because of things I have been through in my lfie I tend to focus so much on protecting myself from pain that I miss out on the here and now. Hey, there's where patience and trust comes in again! ;)

So I just want to encourage everyone, as well as myself right now, to hang on. Be patient. Trust God to take care of the details and in the mean time don't be afraid if you don't have all the answers. One step at a time. One day at a time. And when your heart is in the right place and your eye is on the Lord, He won't let you fall. :)

"System Restore"

Lately I am so amazed by God. Seriously, He is showing Himself to be so real in my life. To know God is so different than to hear about Him. Going to church your whole life doesn't mean you really truly know God. You have to establish your OWN relationship with Him for it to mean anything at all. And we are so free to be able to do that.

I have made a lot of mistakes over the past few years and let myself fall into the trap that so many people fall into. Condemnation. Sometimes it's hard to get out of it because you accept a false sense of responsibility for all of your "wrongs." The kingdom of heaven is different than the kingdom of this earth. We are taught to own up to our mistakes, accept responsibility and pay the consequences. With God, he paid for our mistakes on the cross. He accepted full responsibility for our sins and shortcomings and He says we are forgiven when we repent. So pretty much, when you are forgiven, then you are forgiven. No need in beating yourself up over your mistakes anymore. God loves you, now love yourself.

Letting go of the condemnation has freed me up so much. To know that I AM worthy because HE is worthy. To know that I am good enough because He created me and placed me here for such a time as this. To know that no mistake I have ever made can keep me from the blessings He has for my life.

I got the image of a computer the other day. After years and years your computer gets filled with excess files, sometimes viruses, and just extra stuff that doesn't really need to be there. So you do what is called a "system restore" where you wipe your hard drive clean and it restores it back to its original condition. The Lord showed me that as an example of what He wants to do in me. Through the years based on circumstances that maybe we had no control over, different "strongholds" may have formed inside of us causing us to make future mistakes etc. So with that being said, He wants to restore us back to the original version that He created us to be. Getting rid of the things that shouldn't be there but keeping different traits that make up who we are. When you do a system restore on the computer it keeps those certain important programs like Internet Explorer, Microsoft Office, etc. Humanly speaking, those "programs" are gifts, talents, and important characteristics that make us who we are.

I hope that made sense because when He showed me that analogy it made a ton of sense to me! We are taught about change, and becoming who God wants us to be etc. Dying to our flesh and letting our spirit reign hallelujah amen. Haha.. but until you actually understand what that means, it seems kindof difficult to begin the changing process. It isn't that God doesn't like who you are and He thinks you need to be someone different. It isn't about changing who YOU are. It's about changing the things inside of you that wasn't supposed to be there to begin with and replacing them with the quality God intended to be there. Once you realize that and you get it on the inside of you, it will change your perspective of change. It will make you want to do what is necessary to "change." Change is good. Don't be afraid to change. Now more than ever, I am excited for my "system restore" and I am ready to take on whatever God gives me. The future is getting closer everyday. Why waste the present on things that won't benefit your future?


Be encouraged :)

You can have as much as you want!

It's sometimes unreal to think that you can have as much of God as you want. Think about someone that to you seems so close to God and they just seem to be super tight with Him. You can have even more of a relationship with God than that. He has so much of Himself to reveal. So much to Him that so many people don't know. He loves us. No love that you know in a human sense can compare to the love that He loves us with. There's no way to measure it. There's no way to comprehend it. But the more you press into seeking God's face; asking Him questions about Himself, about how much He loves you, what He wants you to do that day, who He wants you to talk to, little things He reveals to you... the more you seek Him and find it out, the more your life will be changed and the more joy you will feel.

For quite sometime I was living in a place where I felt like a film was covering me. I couldn't see through it, I couldn't feel anything but I wanted to get out of it and I knew that outside this "film" would be a better life. My life was transformed from darkness to light when I chose to dive into God and lay down the things He was asking me to lay down at that time. Obedience. I can never stress enough how important obedience is. You will be miserable until you do what He wants you to do. And what He wants you to do is something that will only better yourself! Just do it! It's worth it! Nothing compares to knowing you are walking where He is leading you. God doesn't change His mind. If he wants you to do something, and you don't do it, He's not going to give up, change His mind, and find something else for you to do. He's pretty much not a quitter and He never changes. So unless you want to run around the mountain 3 or 4 times, give in and surrender to the Maker and Creator of all life and make yourself a bond slave to Him.

Be obedient because you love Him, not because it's a chore. Seek His face to know, not because you should. Live a holy life because it's necessary, not because religion tells you to. Remember that He loves you, and nothing in this world, I mean NOTHING.. no drug, no relationship, no high, no amount of money, no NOTHING compares to the presence and the fulfillment of God. Stop searching and look up to Him. He's just waiting for you.. He has so many adventures He wants to take you on.. live life. Not this carnal life, but live life with Him. He will make it worth it!

:D

The devil is a liar!!

When God heals you of something the devil will try to make you think you've still "got it." When God sets you free from something the devil will try to make you think you're not free and throw those feelings back at you. The devil is a liar! Seriously, he will try to throw symptoms back on you to make you start doubting what God has done. But those symptoms, thoughts or feelings are all a lie. It isn't truth. For one thing, the devil can't "do" anything to you. He can only make you believe what he is telling you is true. When you believe it, it'll come to pass. Whether it be good or bad.

Right now in my psychology class I am reading about the "Learning" process in psychology. Ivan Pavlov discovered in the 1920's that a certain stimuli causes a reaction. When something is done to you and you react a certain way, then when that something happens again you will automatically react that way because you learned to adapt to that situation or whatever it is. For example, many people may not know that I have suffered from anxiety issues for years. Especially when it comes to the doctor. When I was younger, I was at the doctor and I passed out. They said it was from a blood sugar problem, then another doctor mentioned it was anxiety. So after I was told that I had a sugar problem I constantly watched what I ate, felt I had to eat 30 snacks a day, and I would start feeling like I was going to pass out every time I felt like I was hungry. Then when I was told it was anxiety I would be in certain situations where I would get nervous etc. and I would feel that I was going to have an anxiety attack and pass out. So because I passed out, I associated that fear with every doctor visit. I had trained my mind to think that way and my body to react that way.

How that factors in to a spiritual principal I will tell you. It's about how we train ourselves to think and what we allow ourselves to believe. It's really simple. Believe the Word. If God says you are healed, then you are healed. So believe it. Don't believe and rely on the symptoms that are telling you otherwise. The devil is a liar and don't forget that. Also remember, like I said before, he can't do anything to you and he can't force you to do something. He can only lie and make you believe it. Simple as that.

So there is a little simple truth for you today :)

Look at the time!

It has been nearly a year since I have written anything. That's a pretty long time for someone who finds her healing in writing. The last 2 years and more recently the last 9 months have been a very trying time in my life. Writing is my safe haven and an honest look inside myself. When you feel ugly you avoid all mirrors. I felt ugly inside so I avoided to the mirror into my soul. Writing. All the avoidance and here I am. Back again. I have come out on the other side and my life is a testimony to the goodness and love of God.

I could go on a start talking about all the things I have said in previous blogs, but you can just go read those. It's just an honest time to give God all the glory. For months I was in complete and utter disobedience but I felt that it was near impossible to pull myself back on the path of righteousness. All it took was once decision to be made. The hardest decision to make, as I had tried making it at least 10 times before. But I knew, if I didn't do this now, my life was headed for a black hole and I was about to miss my exit for the road to fulfill my purpose in life! I was living my lfe, but not the way I was intended. The good that came from it was a lesson learned and an opportunity to hopefully save others from falling into the pit that I stumbled into.

When we mosey down a trail we know we shouldn't, we get lost. It's like walking in the woods right at dusk. You decide to go down a trail that looks gorgeous to the eye but you have that warning that it's getting dark and you should stay focused on the path you were on. But you allow yourself to get enticed out of curiosity down this dark path. Before you know it, it is completely dark and you have no idea where you are. It seems impossible to find the path you were originally on because the farther down this enticing path you walk, the darker it has gotten. There is a way to find that path, it just takes awhile, and a little cuts and bruises through the sticks and pricks! That is exactly what it felt like for me. But all along that journey I would get little nudges from God pointing me back to the right direction. I would grab what He gave me and follow a little ways, then I would get scared. I thought, "no, this can't be right.. I will keep trying to find it on my own." That's what takes the longest to find your way back. When you don't trust the hand that leads you; you trust your own hand. If I would have followed Him from the first nudge He gave me, then it wouldn't have taken me 10 times to try and find my way back.

Trusting the Lord can be difficult when you don't know where He's going to take you. But that's why it's called "trust". After going through what I went through I can say, it doesn't matter where He takes you, it's better than anywhere you could take yourself. No matter how difficult what He is asking you to do may seem, it's only difficult to your flesh. Your spirit leaps for joy to do what He asks of you. The hard thing I had to do was to help me. Of course I could only see through my pain at the time and it didn't make any sense. Even when I knew what I needed to do I didn't want to because it was easier for me to disobey and be somewhat content in my flesh, than to obey and walk through the refining fire!

Although this explanation wasn't specific on my decisions or what it was that He asked of me, the principal applies to all of us. Trust God and know that He knows. Haha, that's pretty simple! What's pleasurable for the flesh is painful to the spirit, and what's exciting for the spirit is devastating to the flesh! We have to live by the spirit and mortify the deeds of the flesh! My dad recently told me that to mortify means "to kill with starvation." We have to starve our flesh so it will die and our spirit will rule!

Thankful to God for so many things... I am humbled and in awe of Him.

Forgive. Obey.

I am amazed. God never ever ceases to amaze me. He never lets me down. He never gives up on me. Even when I have dropped myself off on the side of the road miles back and called it quits. He is still pushing me along and believing in me. Your heart. It's where it all lies. When God calls you He never forgets. He never quits hoping you will succeed. You are the only one who can stop you. No person and no devil has the power to make you stop. I have heard that a hundred times but it only makes the most sense to me now. For so long I have been walking with my head held low and blaming myself over and over. Taking responsibilty yet not repenting and moving forward.

People would push me and tell me to keep going and not give up. Tell me the voices I hear are enemy whispers and not of mine own heart. I have always had a heart for good and right and justice. Yet I opened the door for wickedness when I accepted hatred. Harboring unforgiveness leads to devils to control and steal areas of your life. I felt hopeless and that my chance was lost. Anger in ways I have never experienced. Out of nowhere I would get such rage and anger. Every little thing would blow my top and I hated it. I was hurting the people I loved. I was sabatoging my life. It simply was falling apart. Everything I knew of my life and had expected up until now had failed. Everything God had promised me, when I would take action towards it, would crumble away into nothing but disappointment. After facing disappointing expectations all your life you tend to get tired. So you don't try anymore. At least that was me. I'm still fighting and struggling, but today I had insight...

I stopped trying. Bottom line. I saw my life that I knew, go on ahead without me and leaving me in the dust, I watched it speed by. People in my life, moved on. Things in my life, no longer existed. I thought I had messed everything up. But really, why? I hadn't done anything wrong to cause me to be cast into a sea of no return. I struggle to understand why my mind had turned against me and why my heart longed to be set free. I finally understood today that it's not me. It never was me. I was listening to lies and voices. They were so strong I believed they were my thoughts. I have been in direct disobedience to the Lord. He has been telling me something to do and I haven't. I am in constant torment and I even started resenting everyone who was succeeding. Friends. People I loved and were close with once, I resented. Why is it fair for them to be doing so great and I am drowning in my own worthlessness? So much hoplessness do I face daily, and it's only because I have chosen to continuously listen to the lies. Therefore it is spreading and affecting every other area of my life it can grasp.

We all face different things. Whatever level we are on, we fight. But we choose. And because of one disappointment I isolated myself completely from my life and the people and things in it where all I had left was my ugly self. I want free. Being bound inside yourself is very unsettling. But I am suffering from two things. Unforgiveness and disobedience. You can't live peacefully with either one, much less both! My pastor always says to forgive.. God loves them. Even when we don't and might have a good reason to strongly hate someone or hold a grudge, all we are doing is hurting ourselves. And I can honestly say first hand that I know it is the truth. And when you know God has told you something, and you on purpose do not do it, you will be miserable until you do. So save yourself time and heartache and take care of some loose ends. I know no one is perfect and that is why I am confidant I can freely share this information with you. It is my hopes that it will find you at a place to give you an extra push, just like it was revealed to me.

forgive.

We have all experienced a little bit of unforgiveness towards someone in our life. At one point or another. Maybe even some of us have leaned toward the threshholds of hatred. I know for me I have strongly disliked someone before due to something they have done to me or maybe they did nothing at all. But most recently I have allowed severe bitterness and literal hatred come into my heart toward a person. I can't stand to hear their name, to see think about them, or even see their face. My insides churn and my blood pressure starts rising. Maybe some of you can relate. I have noticed that allowing that hatred to enter in my heart has opened doors to other things. Bitterness in general. I started resenting other people for their success. Before you all go into shock just relax. I'm being open to hopefully bring some freedom to you.

I noticed that now more than ever this hatred consumes my life. This person controls me. And they have no idea. I held on to what they did to me and now I am holding onto this person and letting them control my emotions and feelings. When you have something like this that you carry around with you your life is not complete and full. It steals from you. You can't fully enjoy a day.

It got to the point where I couldn't take it anymore. I hated that I hated. That wasn't me. It wasn't who I was. But I justified it by what they did to me. But I was slowing dying on the inside. I was being eaten up with bitterness. I wanted free from it. It came to the day where I was sitting at work listening to music and not thinking about a thing when they popped into my head. I got that overwhelming sense of anxiety and my stomach jumped into my throat. I knew I had to let go and start forgiving in my heart. After all, forgiveness is a heart decision, not just an "I forgive you." So I said, "Lord, bless them," just as Gary Carpenter once told the story of his road to forgiveness. Even as I said it, I knew I didn't mean it but I said, "Lord, I hate this. I can't do this and I don't want this to control me anymore." I heard as clear as ever, "I love them too. They are my child just as much as you are." I felt tears well up inside of me. As much as I was hurt by this person, my God loves them.

So where ever pain finds you right now. Where ever bitterness or hurt finds you. Realize, you have got to let it go. It isn't worth wasting your life. This person is controlling you and they aren't even losing sleep over it at night. God loves them too. Grasp that reality. It might change the way you see them. Where I am now, I know I haven't made it free and clear of hatred, but it's a process. Everytime they pop into my head I'm going to ask the Lord to bless them. Eventually, I will get there and learn to love that person. Maybe you need to forgive yourself for something. It's just the same. Life is too short to waste on hate.