It has been nearly a year since I have written anything. That's a pretty long time for someone who finds her healing in writing. The last 2 years and more recently the last 9 months have been a very trying time in my life. Writing is my safe haven and an honest look inside myself. When you feel ugly you avoid all mirrors. I felt ugly inside so I avoided to the mirror into my soul. Writing. All the avoidance and here I am. Back again. I have come out on the other side and my life is a testimony to the goodness and love of God.
I could go on a start talking about all the things I have said in previous blogs, but you can just go read those. It's just an honest time to give God all the glory. For months I was in complete and utter disobedience but I felt that it was near impossible to pull myself back on the path of righteousness. All it took was once decision to be made. The hardest decision to make, as I had tried making it at least 10 times before. But I knew, if I didn't do this now, my life was headed for a black hole and I was about to miss my exit for the road to fulfill my purpose in life! I was living my lfe, but not the way I was intended. The good that came from it was a lesson learned and an opportunity to hopefully save others from falling into the pit that I stumbled into.
When we mosey down a trail we know we shouldn't, we get lost. It's like walking in the woods right at dusk. You decide to go down a trail that looks gorgeous to the eye but you have that warning that it's getting dark and you should stay focused on the path you were on. But you allow yourself to get enticed out of curiosity down this dark path. Before you know it, it is completely dark and you have no idea where you are. It seems impossible to find the path you were originally on because the farther down this enticing path you walk, the darker it has gotten. There is a way to find that path, it just takes awhile, and a little cuts and bruises through the sticks and pricks! That is exactly what it felt like for me. But all along that journey I would get little nudges from God pointing me back to the right direction. I would grab what He gave me and follow a little ways, then I would get scared. I thought, "no, this can't be right.. I will keep trying to find it on my own." That's what takes the longest to find your way back. When you don't trust the hand that leads you; you trust your own hand. If I would have followed Him from the first nudge He gave me, then it wouldn't have taken me 10 times to try and find my way back.
Trusting the Lord can be difficult when you don't know where He's going to take you. But that's why it's called "trust". After going through what I went through I can say, it doesn't matter where He takes you, it's better than anywhere you could take yourself. No matter how difficult what He is asking you to do may seem, it's only difficult to your flesh. Your spirit leaps for joy to do what He asks of you. The hard thing I had to do was to help me. Of course I could only see through my pain at the time and it didn't make any sense. Even when I knew what I needed to do I didn't want to because it was easier for me to disobey and be somewhat content in my flesh, than to obey and walk through the refining fire!
Although this explanation wasn't specific on my decisions or what it was that He asked of me, the principal applies to all of us. Trust God and know that He knows. Haha, that's pretty simple! What's pleasurable for the flesh is painful to the spirit, and what's exciting for the spirit is devastating to the flesh! We have to live by the spirit and mortify the deeds of the flesh! My dad recently told me that to mortify means "to kill with starvation." We have to starve our flesh so it will die and our spirit will rule!
Thankful to God for so many things... I am humbled and in awe of Him.