forgive.

We have all experienced a little bit of unforgiveness towards someone in our life. At one point or another. Maybe even some of us have leaned toward the threshholds of hatred. I know for me I have strongly disliked someone before due to something they have done to me or maybe they did nothing at all. But most recently I have allowed severe bitterness and literal hatred come into my heart toward a person. I can't stand to hear their name, to see think about them, or even see their face. My insides churn and my blood pressure starts rising. Maybe some of you can relate. I have noticed that allowing that hatred to enter in my heart has opened doors to other things. Bitterness in general. I started resenting other people for their success. Before you all go into shock just relax. I'm being open to hopefully bring some freedom to you.

I noticed that now more than ever this hatred consumes my life. This person controls me. And they have no idea. I held on to what they did to me and now I am holding onto this person and letting them control my emotions and feelings. When you have something like this that you carry around with you your life is not complete and full. It steals from you. You can't fully enjoy a day.

It got to the point where I couldn't take it anymore. I hated that I hated. That wasn't me. It wasn't who I was. But I justified it by what they did to me. But I was slowing dying on the inside. I was being eaten up with bitterness. I wanted free from it. It came to the day where I was sitting at work listening to music and not thinking about a thing when they popped into my head. I got that overwhelming sense of anxiety and my stomach jumped into my throat. I knew I had to let go and start forgiving in my heart. After all, forgiveness is a heart decision, not just an "I forgive you." So I said, "Lord, bless them," just as Gary Carpenter once told the story of his road to forgiveness. Even as I said it, I knew I didn't mean it but I said, "Lord, I hate this. I can't do this and I don't want this to control me anymore." I heard as clear as ever, "I love them too. They are my child just as much as you are." I felt tears well up inside of me. As much as I was hurt by this person, my God loves them.

So where ever pain finds you right now. Where ever bitterness or hurt finds you. Realize, you have got to let it go. It isn't worth wasting your life. This person is controlling you and they aren't even losing sleep over it at night. God loves them too. Grasp that reality. It might change the way you see them. Where I am now, I know I haven't made it free and clear of hatred, but it's a process. Everytime they pop into my head I'm going to ask the Lord to bless them. Eventually, I will get there and learn to love that person. Maybe you need to forgive yourself for something. It's just the same. Life is too short to waste on hate.